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Facing denial, especially when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. Someone is saying no, delivering a clear “No.” As a writer, I am no stranger to rejection. I began proposing articles 50 years back, just after college graduation. From that point, I have had two novels turned down, along with article pitches and countless short stories. Over the past 20 years, concentrating on op-eds, the denials have only increased. On average, I face a setback multiple times weekly—totaling in excess of 100 annually. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession run into thousands. By now, I could have a PhD in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a self-pitying tirade? Absolutely not. Because, at last, at the age of 73, I have embraced rejection.

How Have I Managed It?

For perspective: Now, just about everyone and their distant cousin has said no. I haven’t kept score my acceptance statistics—that would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: not long ago, an editor rejected 20 submissions in a row before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers declined my memoir proposal before one approved it. A few years later, 25 agents rejected a book pitch. A particular editor requested that I submit my work only once a month.

My Phases of Rejection

Starting out, each denial were painful. I took them personally. It seemed like my creation being rejected, but me as a person.

Right after a submission was rejected, I would start the process of setback:

• First, surprise. What went wrong? How could editors be overlook my talent?
• Second, refusal to accept. Maybe it’s the wrong person? This must be an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? You’re stupid and their outlet is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, frustration at the rejecters, followed by anger at myself. Why would I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably mixed with optimism). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, depression. I’m not talented. Worse, I’ll never be successful.

So it went for decades.

Notable Precedents

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Tales of authors whose books was originally turned down are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was first rejected. Since they did overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his youth squad. Most US presidents over the recent history had previously lost elections. Sylvester Stallone claims that his Rocky screenplay and desire to star were declined 1,500 times. For him, denial as a wake-up call to motivate me and persevere, not backing down,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, upon arriving at my senior age, I reached the last step of rejection. Acceptance. Currently, I grasp the multiple factors why someone says no. Firstly, an publisher may have recently run a similar piece, or have one in progress, or just be contemplating something along the same lines for a different writer.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor thinks I don’t have the experience or standing to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the field for the wares I am peddling. Maybe didn’t focus and read my submission too fast to see its quality.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Any work can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Some explanations for denial are forever out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are within it. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the message I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my grammar, especially semicolons, was offensive.

The essence is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve authored two books—the initial one when I was 51, another, a memoir, at older—and over numerous essays. My writings have been published in newspapers big and little, in regional, worldwide outlets. An early piece ran decades ago—and I have now submitted to many places for 50 years.

Still, no blockbusters, no signings in bookshops, no spots on popular shows, no presentations, no honors, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more easily handle no at my age, because my, humble achievements have eased the blows of my setbacks. I can choose to be reflective about it all today.

Instructive Setbacks

Denial can be educational, but only if you heed what it’s trying to teach. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial incorrectly. So what insights have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What